We have just been given a MAJOR opportunity to...

Believe God is who He said He is.
Trust Him to provide for all our needs.
Have Faith that He is faithful to us, even when others aren't.
To Forgive.

Do I desire this "opportunity"?
No.

Is this God's perfect and pleasing will?
I don't think so, but He allowed it, and this is His promise "And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose." Romans 8:28

I believe our family has been exposed to a spiritual attack. I have no doubt that Satan will take this "opportunity", and already has, to try to instill fear of "what ifs". To attack our health, therefore to take us down financially and in other ways.

I'm praying, and ask that you join me, for God's protection to surround our family physically, mentally and spiritually. That His grace and mercy be poured upon us in extra measures through this time. That His peace and wisdom be upon both Jeff and I.

For though we live in the world, we do not wage war as the world does. The weapons we fight with are not the weapons of the world. On the contrary, they have divine power to demolish strongholds. We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.
-2 Corinthians 10:3-5

Very Early this Morning...

... right around 4:00 AM to be exact, my eyes just popped open. Then came the thoughts and the very heavy burden that seems to rest on my chest. This has happened to me before, it's nothing new, but this particular "burden" is new to me in the past few months.

I lay there trying to go back to sleep. Trying to "capture my thoughts". Then the question arises, "Is this of the Holy Spirit or not?" Is it a warning of "wake up (not literally) and do something" or is it the enemy's attack, trying to keep me in fear and burdened down. I can't say, right now, that I know 100% what the answer is. But what good is it to continue to lie there and try to go back to sleep.?.

Finally, a little after 5:00, I got out of bed, which is very difficult thing for me to do when it's still dark outside. I grab my Bible, my "Living Beyond Yourself" study book and head downstairs. I pray to try to clear my mind so I can focus and "hear".

I made it through my day 3 of work in the book and there was nothing in it that "spoke" to me about the whole reason I was up so 'dark' and early this morning. A fleeting thought or desperate prayer, you pick, went through my mind. "Where can I read [in the Bible] to get some encouragement?"

That whisper in my spirit said, "Do your "date" reading through Psalm's." (My "date" reading is when you take the date, so today is the 26th, and you begin with that Psalm and then you add 30 to it and continue to do it until you've read 5 Psalm's. So today I read Psalm 26 +30, 56 +30, 86 +30, 116 +30, 146)

The first chapter. Nothing.

The second chapter. There it was. The living Word, written for all but spoken to me. Words of David that so easily become my own prayers, yet at the same time, it's my heavenly Father reminding me of Who He is.

"Hear, O Lord, and answer me,
for I am poor and needy...

You are my God; save your servant
Who trusts in You.
Have mercy on me, O Lord,
for I call to You all day long.
Bring joy to your servant,
for to You, O Lord,
I lift up my soul...

In the day of my trouble I will
call to You,
for You will answer me...

For You are great and do marvelous deeds;
You alone are God....

But You, O Lord, are a compassionate
and gracious God,
slow to anger, abounding in
love and faithfulness.
Turn to me and have mercy on me;
grant Your strength to Your servant...

Give me a sign of Your goodness,
that my enemies mat see it and be
put to shame,
for You, O Lord, have helped me
and comforted me."
~ taken from Psalm 86

"I love the Lord, for He hears my voice;
He heard my cry for mercy...

I was overcome by trouble and sorrow.
Then I called on the name of the Lord:
"O Lord, save me!"

The Lord is gracious and righteous;
our God is full of compassion.
The Lord protects the simplehearted;
when I was in great need, He saved me.

Be at rest once more, O my soul,
for the Lord has been good to you."
~ taken from Psalm 116

I ended with this promise,

"Blessed is he whose help is the God of Jacob,
whose hope is in the Lord his God,"
~ Psalm 146:5

Re-education

This "school" year has been a tough one for me. The toughest. Not because of the kids but in my own mind. I've been under attack and have questioned myself and I've been asking a lot of "what if's".

After a sleepless night in December, because during the dark is when the enemy seems to attack that most, I got up and got on the Internet to see if I could find "help" for what I was struggling with. I came upon a website. It touched me. Was this God guiding me after my prayers of "Help!"?

I decided to look into it some more. I'm taking a "season" to "re-educate" myself. I've laid it at Jesus' feet. I've pled for redemption, for my efforts, our family, our "school". Redeem means "to make good." More specifically, it means "to take something of little or no value and replace it with something of great value." I'm seeking God to lead me on what He wants me to do. I'm relying on Him to show me what each child needs. I'm reading articles to help change my thought process on what "learning" and "education" really is.

Here is something I read today and it really made me think. I have to share.
_______________________________________________________
Excerpts from The Great Escape by Geoffrey Botkin
The bold print is me talking.

...Socialization does have a profound influence on the child, but that influence is normally more harmful than helpful. The idea originated with a few radical 19th century educators who were self-professed socialists. They advocated public school socialization as the means by which to reduce an average child's rugged individuality, creativity and intellectual curiosity, so that adult compliance with change in society is easily achieved. I see this and it's scary at how many people are blind to it.

Of course, most parents are not worrying about the finer points of mass social engineering or the real intentions of John Dewey. They simply want their child to learn how to be popular and happy and comfortable among his peers. If a child is deprived of the regimented socialization of the public school environment, will he grow up to resemble a social freak, a nerd, or an egghead?

Homeschoolers have provided the answer. The evidence shows that when social graces, resourcefulness, personal confidence, and leadership abilities are measured, homeschooled youth turn out superior to their peers from school... socialization is merely a fancy term that describes how children become like one another, dependent on one another, dependent on a collective society and mentally and emotionally compliant. Wow!

This is something I've heard a LOT from non-homeschoolers. Parents may ask, isn't it necessary to prepare a child for the real world? Of course it is. But it is not necessary to surrender a child to this world to prepare him to endure it.... Read that again! Amen!! and Amen!! Family life is the real world, and the reason so many young families and marriages are failing is because our over-taxed, public school-dependent culture created dysfunctional families whose member rarely interacted with one another as they were growing up. I realize that this is tough for some to read but if you really think about it, is he wrong?

I wish that every parent could understand that if what is desired is academic education unlimited learning opportunities, broad career horizons, then public school can no longer be an option for any family in America.
___________________________________________

I think that is enough to chew on and ponder for a while.

Just Wondering...

Why do those who are FREE, live in bondage?

Why are those in bondage, think they are free?

The Answer - Pt. 2 The Wilderness

Need to catch up?
Just Waiting
Part 1

I ended Part 1 with being sure that things were "set up" for me to step off of the KidZone leadership team. I also had shared how I was burdened, as in weighted down, dreaded, did not enjoy, the place/position I was in.

In that three months of me seriously praying, I began a Bible study "Attending the Bride of Christ" by Martha Lawley. I thought this study would be interesting in the fact that it was going to cover some of the Jewish traditions in Biblical times, but I can also say that I wasn't real excited about it. It's not a study I would have chosen off of a shelf.

Much of what was in that study, I already knew and got, yet God revealed to me new things throughout the whole time. He changed my attitude toward the church, His bride. I was convicted on the attitude that I wrote about in Part I. When I started seeing that, I am The Bride, because I am part of The Church, but I am also an attendant to The Bride. Part of attending a bride, is to help prepare them for the bridegroom, who will come to get his bride. My thoughts changed and my attitude changed.

The Church, which is all who believe and are saved by the blood of Jesus Christ, is the bride of Christ. That means each local church, full of followers of Christ, and each individual person who follows Christ, is the bride of Christ. Now each individual is not only the bride but they are also the Bride's attendant. We, as part of the body of Christ, are to attend to the Church as a whole, but also attend the local church we are a part of.

attend - 1"to take care of; minister to; devote one's services to"

2"to take charge of; watch over; look after; tend; guard"

We, as believes in and followers of Christ, are to take care of, look after, tend to, help get Her ready for the Bridegroom, which is Jesus Christ, to return. We are to be "dressed" and ready for His return.... What I'm sharing is just the surface, there's so much more to it and there's no way for me to share it here, but I encourage you to get this study and go through it. You can purchase it here or at a local Christian book store.

I shared all of that, and maybe confused you, to say this: I started seeing what I was doing, as my role to "attend" to my local church, to "attend" to each individual believer who came into New Hope. I am helping prepare New Hope Christian Church and each person I touch or have some minute (extremely small, as in size, amount, extent, or degree) influence on, for the return of Christ, our Bridegroom.

When God transformed my thinking, the "burden" of Sunday mornings was no longer there. I no longer have the dread of going. (I do still dread picking out five outfits every Saturday, but we won't talk about that right now.) It doesn't matter as much that I miss 50%-75% of the worship experiences at our church. I don't expect it to always be this way. I know that that the same Spirit that works-in/changes/transforms me, is doing to same thing in everyone else who believes.

After I finished "Attending the Bride of Christ", the next study was "One in a Million" by Priscilla Shirer. Right now I'm only beginning week 4 of 6, but this study is about the Exodus. When God delivered His people out of slavery and bondage, He led them through the wilderness to get to "the promise land".

So far, the focus has been the wilderness. Now there has been some confusion on my own part of what the "wilderness" is, because Priscilla seems to think of it as something different then I always thought of it, but I think I'm finally getting what she is saying. Many times in the study we have to think of a wilderness time in the past and if we may be in one now. The one that I can think of now, is the whole KidZone thing. The whole praying and waiting and silence.

The important things I've learned about the wilderness (and some goes against what I had always believed):

1. God leads you there. (OK, I got that.)

2. It is where we learn a daily dependence on Him. (Getting that, but seem to need reminded.)

3. God shows Himself in a mighty way. (I've seen it, but am anticipating more!)

Are you asking, "What does all this have to do with "The Answer"?"

My God is drawing me to Him. He is "wooing" me. He is loving me so much that He doesn't want me to be bound by this "burden", therefore He is showing me, again, how to live like He wants me to. He is also showing me, once again, that "His ways are not my ways, His thoughts are not my thoughts." He is preparing me.

To be continued...

An Answer - Pt. 1 The Beginning

Just last week, on Wednesday morning, I shared that I'd been praying and waiting for an answer and all I was getting was silence. Now I need to share how God moved in a pretty big way. If you haven't read Just Waiting, do that first.

This might get a little lengthy but I have to share what has built up to where I am now.

I don't remember the exact dates, but around two years ago, at our church, Jeff (who's the pastor) had a "retired" children's ministry lady, whom I don't want to use names so I will just refer to her as T, come and try to help get our children's ministry on track. Basically she was going to train and mentor the team, and then return to her home church. I believe at the time she started, there was a team of four and pretty quick two of them stepped down. That then left her and two other leaders. I don't remember exact details, I just remember hearing how she needed someone else to join the team.

I was teaching in the toddler class at that time, so I was part of the children's ministry, so I had first hand experience of what was going on. I can't remember if I prayed...surely I did :o)...or if I just decided on my own that I could step on TEMPORARILY. The plans from the very beginning were to step on to help T make some changes. When she left, I was stepping off.

About a year later, Jan. '09, T finally had a time when she was leaving and had a couple of ladies, P and S, whose hearts were with the children and were ready to be the leadership team. These two ladies knew from the beginning that I was "temporary" and was wanting to step down. T met with the new team a couple of times and then was gone. I could see that P and S weren't real sure of themselves, so I let P know that I would stay on until she got more established, but I couldn't do anymore then I was already doing. Through this time, I felt like God still wanted me to stay.

This past year has been an "interesting" one to say the least. It seemed like things were slowly declining over time. Through the summer, when everything was going on with my dad, I missed around 6 weeks of church. Decisions and changes were made and new people were asked to be part of the leadership team without my knowledge, so now there was more of team for P and S to work with. I was sure that this was a "set up" for me to step off. Finally after 1 1/2 years of this temporary position I was going to clear my plate of KidZone. My reasoning's were, the leaders and the whole children's area was use to me not being around, and they could get along without me. When there were meetings, I kept my mouth shut because if I wasn't going to be around I didn't need to throw in ideas that I wasn't willing to help make happen. I was also just waiting for that prompting of the Holy Spirit to let me know that it was time to say, "I'm stepping down."

At the end of summer is when I started praying and the asking if I could step off. Silence. If you do the math, I started praying the beginning of August and it is now the beginning on November, that is 3 months. Three months of anticipation of having more free time, not having this "burden", which is what this was to me. I dreaded church, because most of the time I was just there to work and I was having to "cover" for people, so I missed services. I didn't get to go and sing worship songs to my King, I didn't get to be in a group of fellow believers and be lifted up, and I felt like I was lost in this "kids wing" with no fellowship with all these new adults that were coming to New Hope, that I would hear Jeff talk excitedly about. There were weeks that I just wished that I would get sick or my kids would be sick so I would have a "legitimate" excuse to miss. But I kept praying... waiting... and silence.

To be continued...

Because this is getting to be so long, I'm going to do this in parts.

Feelings...

The past few days I've gotten to go to a Joyce Meyer's conference, even though we've had a couple of kids with the flu. (The nurse said it sounded like h1n1, but we aren't going in to get it tested, so we don't know for sure.)

This is the main lesson I learned this weekend:

Day 1 - Thursday evening, Joyce shared that she was speaking on "feelings" and "emotions" and how we can't let our lives be ran by them. I thought, "That's nice, but I wish it was something that had more to do with things I'm dealing with." I mean, for the most part I'm not someone who typically makes all my decisions on "feelings", but even that evening I admitted to myself that there's an area where I might let my "feelings" rule more then they should. As I was working through the disappointment of my expectations of the evening I still was asking God to speak to me even though I didn't think it was that relevant to me.

Day 2 - There was a Friday morning session, but because I had sick kids I decided that I would stay home and help nurture them, and when there are four in a bed it's hard to get good sleep. So after sleeping in with Kaylie, I got up and around. I came downstairs and saw the mail. I opened up a piece of mail that I'd been expecting, and to me, it was devastating news (in reality, it is not, so don't worry.)

This news made me cry ALL afternoon. I was feeling like a failure. I was feeling guilty. I was feeling like I couldn't do it anymore. I was ready to pass the reins to someone else to do the job that I was sure God had called me to do. Doubts start coming on like, DID God really call me to do this or was it just MY desire? What if I forever ruin these precious little people? Maybe I can't do this and I was fooling myself to think I could. I'm not the best person for this.

I then called my mom and we talked a little bit about the conference the night before and that Joyce was going to be speaking on how not to live by feelings. I then told her that "I am ready to give up." sob sob "I feel guilty that I'm 'ruining' [him]." sob sob

Of course my mom then shares wisdom that I already knew, but I wasn't thinking to clearly. She said, "Talk about being ran by feelings!"

"I know, I know."

Guess what Joyce was speaking on that evening. The "feeling" of guilt. Yep, God spoke right to me. He showed me that I let my "feelings" run me more then I thought. I left much better then when I came.

I am made right through Him. I am forgiven. I have His mercy. I have His grace. And I have no doubt that He is going to shed His wisdom on us as we are making decisions on what to do.

God's Providence

Wow! Today has been a great day.

It started out rough...with hardly having any sleep. Then there was the typical Sunday morning fighting with the children...which I fully recognize it as a Satan attack.

But once we were at church, there were two separate neighbors who were there. One of them has come off and on and he has shared with Jeff that he believes in God but he wasn't sure how the whole Jesus thing fit into things and if it was even true. We started a small group in our home a couple of weeks ago and this neighbor has been coming.

Then there is our other neighbor. She has absolutely no church background. Her daughter plays with our kids and I've been over there a couple of times for different activities for our kids. A month or so ago, she came over to use our phone to report some abuse. One thing lead to another and Jeff ended up talking to her about church and he gave her the church's card. She showed up, by herself, and I could see the fear and desperation in her eyes.

Every Sunday, at every service Jeff gives two invitations. One to make changes in whatever area the sermon was talking about the second is the invitation to make the decision to follow Christ. BOTH of our neighbors raised their hands to follow Christ!

This is destiny...this is providence...we were placed in this house, in this cul-de-sac for such a time as this!

She is 'Blessed'!

Today is my mom's birthday! That means I get to blog about her today!

What can I say, she's the best mom ever! She was the mother of three girls, and I must say very lovely girls. She was the one who taught us about Christ, not only in her words but in her life. She was our support, our comfort, a prayer warrior, a friend, and a rock. There are so many things I could say about her but I am really going to try to limit myself.

My rock...when I was a child (and sometimes even now) I was very fearful. I had fears about dying to someone breaking in the house. Our home creaked and settled really bad at night and to me it sounded like someone walking. Therefore I would lay in bed paralyzed with fear. I would scream "Mooooom!" and then act like I was sleeping so the 'intruder' wouldn't know who screamed. I would do that until my mom came from the other side of the house to comfort me and to check things out to make sure no one was in the house. I spent many nights in her room either on the floor by her bed or in bed with her. As long as I was touching her or holding her hand, I felt safe. Now that I'm a mom and dealing with some of the same issues with one of my children, I have called her and asked her how she did it, there's just one more level of respect for her.

My comfort...when I was sick there was NO ONE like mom. No one could hold me and take care of me like she did. The first time I really missed home was right after I got married and I got sick, I wanted my mom and Jeff wasn't quite the sympathizer that I was use to. When I was scared, she would hold me. I could curl up next to her on the couch and I would feel better.

My prayer warrior...I know she has prayed for us our whole lives. I have no doubt that her prayers have kept me out of trouble and harms way. I have talked about my post-partum thyroid issues in a previous blog. During that time my mom stood in that gap for me like no one else. When my body was shaking and I could feel a panic attack coming on, I would call her, no matter the time, and there were several times it was 1:00 or 2:00 in the morning, and she would speak truth (Scripture) to me and she would pray with me. During that time, I literally could not focus on the truth. I could read my Bible and quote Scripture but immediately behind it came the lies. I couldn't focus on my prayers. I know that it was those who stood in the gap for me with their prayers that got me through that time. Here is a poem, that I'm not sure who the author is, but we bought this framed for her one year. When I read it, it is my mom.

THE WARRIOR

This morning my thoughts traveled along

To a place in my life where days have long since gone

Beholding an image of what I used to be

As visions were stirred and God spoke to me

He showed me a Warrior a soldier in place

Positioned by Heaven,yet I saw not the face

I watched as the Warrior fought enemies

That came from the darkness with destruction for me

I saw as the Warrior would dry away tears

As all of Heaven's Angels hovered so near

I saw many wounds on the Warriors face

Yet weapons of warfare were firmly in place

I felt my heart weeping my eyes held so much

As God let me feel the Warrior's prayer touched

I thought " how familiar" the words that were prayed

The prayers were like lightening that never would fade

I said to God "please the Warrior's name"

He gave no reply, He chose to refrain

I asked,Lord, who is broken that they need such prayer?"

He showed me an image of myself standing there

Bound by confusion, lost and alone

I felt prayers of the Warrior carry me home

I asked "Please show me Lord. this Warrior so true"

I watched and I wept, for Mother.....the Warrior-was you!

Happy Birthday Mom! We've had many good times together and many great laughs, may we have many more!

I love you and I am arising and calling you "blessed"!

(Sorry about the spacing, I can't get it figured out.)

Scared 'of' Death

For two days now, my 7 year old son, has been freaking out about dying. He doesn't want to die, he doesn't want his dad and I to die. He keeps asking how long we might live and says how time goes by too fast so we will die too soon. He's afraid he won't find us in heaven. He's afraid he will have no friends if "the bestest mom and the bestest dad" die.

It is also scaring him when his throat feels funny, like there's something in it, which he is getting a cold and that's why he is getting that feeling. He is afraid he won't be able to talk anymore and then he "wouldn't be able to spell". He gets water in his ears at bath time and he's afraid that he won't be able to hear anymore. I could keep going on and on about every little thing he has been worrying about these past 36 hours, but there really is way too much.

I keep asking myself "why?". Why is a 7 year old focusing so much on himself dying? I even called my mom and asked how to handle this, because she has had a lot of the same experiences with a certain daughter ;). We've talked about heaven, we've talked about how there are angels around us, we've talked about how we are all healthy and nothing seems to calm him down and give him peace.

I believe it comes down to spiritual warfare and that Satan is attacking my baby right now. I am standing in the gap for him and I know his grandma is also. This could also be a result of "generational sin". When I see him and hear what he is saying, I see and hear myself. I was so much that way as a child and even as an adult I get easily "freaked" out myself. Now I am getting after myself on why I didn't break this cycle earlier. It hurts my heart to see my child in so much anguish and worry, especially totally unnecessary anguish. We, as in myself, Jeff and Tanner, my 7 year old, are going to fight to break this bondage so it doesn't keep us captive and so no other family member has to carry this "generational" burden on their back. I need to watch what I say and what I think. Jeff and I need to make our home a place of peace and a refuge, which with a brand new move and all the busyness and stress of it all I'm sure that has added it's own dimension to the whole situation.

God is also showing me a parallel here. Just as I know nothing is wrong with Tanner and that he is OK, God knows that same thing about me. But just as Tanner doesn't really hear, believe and trust what I'm saying because he is too consumed with every little thought and fear, I am doing the same thing with my Father in heaven and the promises He has given me. Surrender Julie to a complete trust of the Father!

God did not give us a spirit of fear! By His stripes we are healed! Satan has no right and no hold on my family! We are going to take our thoughts captive and make them obedient to Christ!